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Thursday, September 7, 2023

People Who Constantly Complain

 By Anna Von Reitz

We all know them: the Complainers. 

No matter what it is, no matter how innocuous the activity, there is always someone complaining.  

The hot dogs were overcooked.  The hot dogs were undercooked-- watch out for food poisoning!  You know what goes into a hot dog? And on and on and on.  

They can turn a simple picnic into a nightmare.

Imagine what they can do when they are really motivated and unleashed?  

And go pro? 

They learn how to turn their complaining into an art, which they use to blame others and distract attention from themselves.  

Like the little kid who says, "My dog ate my homework!"--- their object is not merely to complain about the circumstance, presenting themselves (and usually their listeners) as victims, but to blame someone or something else. 

These people are habituated to complain, and complain and complain.  If they don't hit pay dirt with one subject, they will go on and try to find another. 
And through it all, they evince no shred of self-responsibility. 

It never seems to occur to them that they have two hands and two feet. 

Complainers start complaining because they: (1) feel powerless, and (2) give themselves no responsibility and nothing to do as a result. 

They just sit on the sidelines of life like unofficial volunteer referees, and never actually play the game they are griping about.  They are too afraid.  If they tried to do anything, they could be blamed for it.  

Out of their crippledness, they cripple others.  And in their bitterness, they blame others.  This happens even though the source of their problem -- an overbearing parent, sibling, teacher or other caregiver, is long gone.  

Someone in their personal past made them feel useless and helpless, and prevented them from taking action in their own right, so all they could do was sit on the sidelines and critique whatever other people were doing. 

Decades later, having never progressed beyond this immature condition, they are still on the sidelines of life, calling attention to any faux pas made by others and feeling their way toward "political correctness". 

To them, political correctness represents safety. If they are politically correct, they can't be criticized.  Even better, having defined what is politically correct according to their own opinions, they have a basis of controlling others and making everyone lock-step and provide them with security, attention, and approval.  

Which is what they really crave.  

Pathetic and immature and irresponsible as this behavior is, and as common as it is, you would think that the rest of us would recognize it and develop countermeasures to deal with it, but what happens instead, is that our Parent Reflex kicks in, and we react like Mama and Papa Robin, faced with a squawking Baby Bird. 

We chase around and try to fulfill their needs in a vain attempt to satisfy them.  We listen patiently.  We try to deliver what they say they need, but they are never content.  Nothing is ever good enough, pure enough, right enough or obvious enough for them. 

The Will to Complain can go way beyond common sense. 

For our part as "parents", we want them to be quiet.  We want them to be satisfied. We want the complaining to stop.  We want them to grow up.  We want them to engage life for themselves and get off the sidelines. We want them to solve problems, not regurgitate them. 

That's what we want, but the Complainers are crippled. Even if they wanted to, they don't know how to take responsibility.  Long ago, someone cut their wings off. And now, all they can do is draw attention to themselves and their problems and squawk, squawk, squawk.  

Let's note that there are two basic kinds of Complainers -- (1) those who secretly feel helpless and incompetent to solve problems or do anything for themselves, and (2) those who have a reactionary ego and stand around griping and "waiting for God to die" so that they can be in charge and feel enabled to act. 

The Complainers never realize that both these beliefs are false. 

In the first case, they believe they are helpless and incompetent to change things, and that isn't true. 

In the second case, they believe that someone or something is holding them back --- some authority figure or circumstance that must be rebelled against and overcome, and that isn't true, either. 

Many of the people entering our Assemblies are Complainers. They have the idea that they are entitled, because they also quietly believe that they are crippled and unable to help themselves. 

They look around for the familiar domineering authority figure, and if nobody offers to play that role, they will find one or even make one up in their own minds.

They are drawn to any nexus of problem-solving, trying to empower themselves, but have no idea how to talk to their child-self and get motivated as an adult.  

So they do what they always do.  They complain and they blame and they cause trouble without doing anything helpful or productive themselves.  

Anna is the problem, standing in the way of their brilliant solutions.  The Federation is hampering their ability to perform.  They have the wrong color of skin or religion and that is what is preventing them from making this a better world. 

These self-limiting beliefs are accrued in childhood and seldom consciously faced. 

So on top of the work to restore and assemble our own lawful government, we get called upon to address the mental health of literally millions of Americans who have been mentally and emotionally crippled by Authority Figures --- including the U.S. Government.

The Complainers regularly try to transfer their anxieties, frustrations, and feelings of inadequacy and all their reactions against these same feelings, to the "new" government authorities.  

I am the problem.  The Federation is the problem. The Coordinator is the problem.  The Recorder is the problem.  But the only actual problem is their own secret self-limiting belief, and the bad relationship they have with "authority" in general. 

That bad relationship is a love-hate relationship, best compared to a relationship with a domineering parent or teacher or drill sergeant who is actually long gone. 

It's essential that Assembly Coordinators and members recognize the Complainers and deal with them appropriately.  And what do I mean by that? 

Point out that while there is always a right and a wrong way to do anything, we have spent the time and effort to determine what the right way and peaceful way is, and that is what we are doing.  

If the Complainers want to fight with long-vanished authority figures in their own lives and argue over every step and cast doubt on every move that anyone else makes -- while notably failing to do anything themselves -- the rest of us have to recognize the problem and devise means of dealing with it. 

Many Assemblies are just throwing their hands up in the air and giving Complainers a "time out" to study more and answer their own questions before rejoining the group.  

Other Assemblies are finding that if they give Complainers tasks to do, they settle down quite happily and focus on what they are doing instead of on what everyone else is doing or not doing to their satisfaction. 

Taking action -- any action that is productive and in their own control -- often relieves the frustration the Complainers feel. 

Folding brochures may not seem like any big whoop to anyone else, but for a Complainer, it can be a baby step toward self-empowerment and expression, which is what they so desperately need. 

Try to understand the Complainers among us, both individually and collectively.  Somewhere in the past, they learned that they could get some gratification and attention by complaining.  So, like a hungry dog begging, that's what they do. 

If we want to change this behavior and set them free, we have to deprive them of that source of gratification (make Complaining out of style in our Assemblies) at the same time that we offer them other ways to gain praise, recognition, and yes, safety. 

Many Complainers are in fact abuse survivors and react in fear when they encounter authority in any form. Even when as adults, when they should know that all organizations--- including State Assemblies--- require discipline, roles, shared vision, and structure to succeed, the Complainers react mindlessly to tear down authority because it scares them.  

That prevents them from developing their own authority and guarantees that they will always remain pawns of better organized forces. It also makes these people a problem instead of an asset for those who are intent on restoring the lawful government. 

So -- make Complaining unfashionable and give the Complainers something productive to do that they can control.  And if you have time, talk with them as a loving parent would, about their love-hate relationship with authority.  Help them see into their own past and what happened to them that is still harming them today

Often, when the subject is breached and brought to a conscious level, the Complainer will immediately know who or what Authority Figure reduced them to sitting on the sidelines of life. They can then start putting that relationship and all the harmful habits and beliefs resulting from it, in the past. 


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