By Anna Von Reitz
Because my Mother was so physically and verbally abusive, I had a twitchy tendency to avoid touch. Like a bird. Always watchful. Always shrinking away from touch. Any kind of touch, from virtually anyone. This is called "touch aversion".
Didn't matter who it was or the context of it, with two exceptions, my Father and my older Sister, Em, I didn't like to be touched and didn't trust anyone to come within my space.
I was definitely chilly and stand-offish and did not respond well to gushing relatives and lovey-dovey types cooing over me and fussing with my hair and telling me how adorable I was.
Touch in my experience came in two varieties: painful, punishing, and sudden, versus respectful, loving, and intentful.
This is how I learned the importance of being truly respectful and intentful when you touch other people.
It took years to internalize and integrate this knowledge into so many words, but it's crucial.
Showing respect, even reverence, for the sacredness of another person's body, is part of becoming conscious --- and it's a big part of conveying love to them.
You are being allowed to touch a miracle, so treat it that way, no matter what the context may be. Even a handshake should convey respect and understanding and safety.
And when it comes to intimacy, force yourself to focus. Be conscious of every circle you are drawing on his body, every pattern of kisses, every touch. Think. Even if all you can manage is, "This is Joe and I love Joe." --- connect mind and heart.
Everyone's body is sacred and it is sacred at all times, in all conditions and situations. When you honor those you touch, you honor yourself.
The whole process of touch is more complex than most of us ever think about; like so many other aspects of nature, we take it for granted, and in the process, take ourselves for granted, too.
First, you enter a person's outer aura, the shell of energy radiating outward from their body like a shining bubble surrounding them. The size and strength of this electromagnetic field varies dramatically.
As you move closer, the personal energy signature gets stronger and the energy gets more intense until you hit their inner aura boundary, an unseen "personal space" barrier extending about 18" from their skin --- on average.
Some people, like me, have a significantly larger personal space barrier -- which is the result of child abuse.
Over time, projecting your personal energy as a shield becomes ingrained. You do it without thinking about it.
Notice the diabolical nature of this. The problem is lack of love and safety, so the victims isolate themselves, and the isolation just adds to the problem.
This simple projection of defensive energy kept me from being kissed by anyone outside my family until my sixteenth birthday when the men conspired (drew straws!) and designated who had the duty of kissing me for my birthday.
It's hilarious in retrospect, but thank you, Steve Dougherty.
He danced his way into it -- literally. Premeditated. Planned. Smooth as Bushmills Irish Whiskey. He was the kind of young man who knew exactly what he was doing in the kissing department, but realistically, he had to be.
Nobody else in the entire High School dared to touch me.
So what happens when you pass through the double and sometimes triple-layered force field called the "aura"? You encounter skin and a whole new dialogue begins.
Here you have millions of pressure sensors and nerves playing an energetic symphony that is always different, and always the same. This is a vast subject, so we are sticking to the agenda: hugs and kisses.
I have to think about hugging, but despite the sad reasons for this, maybe my forced contemplation is a blessing in disguise. Without twelve years of physical abuse, I wouldn't know any of this ---and couldn't tell you.
Hugs are literally, medically, therapeutic.
The Hug Effect kicks in after you have held a loved one cradled in your arms for twenty seconds or more. If you can keep your thoughts centered on them the entire time, the effect is up to ten times stronger.
It's a bit awkward and people need to be warned because nobody in modern society gives a twenty second -- or more -- stand up hug.
Just explain the principle and next time your loved one has had a bad day, lean in and whisper, "Hey, time for hug therapy." -- and count out the seconds or find a natural movement, like a slow one second sway from side to side to keep the count.
It's amazing how long twenty seconds can seem --- but once you master this --- blood pressure and anxiety will decrease, breathing will deepen, cortisol levels will drop, immune functions will improve across the board, hormone balances will level, and the world will seem a better, safer place.
When loved ones are heartsick, hug therapy can be a game changer, helping them recover their emotional well-being and mysteriously backing up their sense of self-respect.
Nobody knows exactly why this works, but it does. It's hard-wired into the brain-body relationship. So work it out. A teenager's life might depend on it.
It's also critical for PTSD. Trust in physical security is hard to restore any other way. And no, a Smith and Wesson won't do what needs to be done, because that's not the kind of security we are talking about.
If I could overcome my touch aversion and learn to give and receive hugs at a therapeutic level --- and eventually master the "mind meld" necessary to kick the effect up ten notches, you can do it, too.
Add Hug Therapy to your secret arsenal, like an AK 47 locked and loaded with love and ready to rip out the ugly things that this world can throw at all of us.
Kisses are even more important and more intimate. Keep in mind that sloppy kisses can come across as disrespectful, so be careful with that one.
With that one caveat, I'll turn you onto the latest research-based, psychiatrist and clinician approved prescription for a host of physical and mental illnesses: kisses.
They're free. And you're the pharmacy.
Americans don't kiss as much as the rest of the world. That old Puritan and Pioneer reserve keeps us leashed to a certain extent,
but that can be turned into something very powerful, because when a kiss becomes intentful, it becomes powerful.
I had to think about kisses, too. Not because I wanted to, but after Steve Dougherty, it became clear that pecks on the cheek weren't going to cut it for a lifetime.
Your lips have more sensory receptors than your fingertips. Think about that. Realize what that means. They are meant to be endlessly expressive, and not just with the words you say, not just for pouting.
Let your lips convey safety to a child, kindness to a friend, and passion to your lover.
Speaking lip-language is surprisingly easy, but you have to think about it -- what do I want to "tell" them with this touch? Not having a clear message in mind results in fuzzy, floppy, nasty kisses and recalls images of Snoopy smooching Lucy Van Pelt.
Kisses require a heart-mind connection. They have to have intent. They have to carry a message that's simple, that has a target. "I want you to understand that....." and let your lips fill in the blank. Study this. Think about it, if you have never thought about it before.
I want you to understand that.... you're safe with me.
I want you to understand that.... you're so beautiful.
I want you to understand that....I will miss you so much!
I want you to understand that....my heart is in your hands.
I want you to understand that....you are brave enough to do this.
How do these words translate into body language and kisses?
The language of your body, like the hidden importance of your Voice, is vital in a way that mere words can never be; touch conveys far more and delivers its messages directly to living cell memory.
Twelve years of verbal and physical abuse leaves a lot of indelible damage. It takes a lot of love to overcome that. No doubt that is why I paid attention to tones of voice, and nuances of touch, and the latest research into hugs and kisses.
But that isn't why I share this information with you. I want you to use this information to improve your own lives. I want you to become happier, healthier, more conscious people, because that builds happier and healthier families, communities, nations, and finally a happier and healthier world.
Hugs and kisses and tones of voice are weapons in a "war" where the Enemy seeks to overcome us by isolating and alienating us, first from ourselves and next, from those around us.
Be patient with yourselves, but realize how vital love is to our survival as individuals and as a species. I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have survived, except that I had my angels teaching me to use my voice to express love, to hug and really mean it, and kiss as if life depended on it -- because it does.
Granna
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