By Anna Von Reitz
It's funny. The Angelics step out of the closet and all Hell breaks loose.
You'd think that we had a bad reputation. Ah, but I guess the Fallen have tainted that, and left people wondering.
Three hundred years is "a little time" in the reckoning of God, but a long time in the perception of men.
Did you know that Satan looks like Carey Grant? He's a really snappy dresser, too. Very GQ.
I personally always thought his "beauty" was overrated, but then, beauty is....in the eye....of the Beholder.
Give my "eye" to the young Sean Connery or Nick Nolte any day.
Satan is sniping back at me from behind his prison walls, sputtering, "Grey-eyed Psychic Queen, my beard!"
Which is funny again, because he doesn't have a beard and can't grow one.
And, technically, I don't have grey eyes.
That guy can't tell the truth about anything. Ever.
It's going to be an interesting three years.
I think I will play Barry White's "Love's Theme" remastered in Whole Tones, 24/7, just to bother him.
dee-de-dee-dee-dee-de-de-de-dee-dee....
Or the entire Soundtrack of Godspell.... "Day by day, oh, dear Lord, three things I pray...."
Do you know that Satan is an incredible linguist? He can speak any language.
He just called me a "Heyoka" --- a Lakota Sioux name for "Crazy Woman" ---meaning a form of extreme empath who startles people awake by telling jokes and insulting them.
Heyokas are holy, so, okay. Heyoka. I like it.
This is how I spend my nights on Guard Duty, listening to Satan rant at me and tormenting him with love songs.
That's it. He called me something distinctly less complimentary.
Time to pull out the Big Guns.
Stevie Wonder: "My Cherie Amour"
Bee Gees: "Fanny Be Tender With My Love"....
Luckily, I am an old lady and I know every sappy love song in the Akashic Record.
If he doesn't shut up, "Walking in Rhythm" by the Blackbyrds is next.
I get cut-throat in the clenches.
And I spend too much time working.
Bet you never imagined Granna as a late night DJ, right?
"Precious and Few" by Climax.....
Remember that Satan was the Seraph in charge of music, and his first act of rebellion was changing the musical scale, making it ever-so-slightly off-tune, so that it subtly grates on your nerves, makes you anxious, or excites you, creating an addictive low-level adrenalin rush.
"We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters....
"Say It Again" by Santana
"When We Dance" .....Sting
Satan was the one who thought of laying down harmful subliminal messages and advertising in the soundtracks of movies and popular songs.
He hired whole covens of witches to stand in assembly lines and curse music CDs and movie DVDs and books.
Then you all took those cursed things home.... not knowing they were cursed, and not knowing how to remove curses.
Like shooting fish in a barrel. The whole population of Earth was seemingly left undefended against his onslaught. Now Satan spends his days in a velvet prison listening to love songs and all his lieutenants are dead.
"I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song".... Jim Croce.
And I'm the one spinning the discs.... Behold, the Queen of Hearts in her glory.
"Love Song"....Elton John. Tumbleweed Connection.
"The words I have to say may well be simple, but they're true....Love is the opening door....love is what we came here for.... "
It's certainly why I came.
"Until you give your love, there's nothing more that we can do...."
.
I get lost in the slow magnetic force pulling the lyrics along, the water flowing, the children laughing in the background, the whole tapestry of the sound. There's this updated version too:
In the times when the chips are really down, all my Twin Flame wants to hear is my voice; it doesn't matter what I say, because all he hears is love.
Absolutely all he hears is love.
"When You Say Nothing at All" ....Alison Krauss and Union Station
That's so important.
"Hero" .... Enrique Inglesias
Do you know that the words you say transmit forever?
That argument you had with your Mother back in 1973? Right about now, it's leaving the Milky Way ....
It's the same with words of love.
"I Just Wanna Stop".....Gino Vannelli
Think about it.
"This Kiss" .... Faith Hill
"Up Where We Belong".... Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warren
"Danny's Song"....Loggins and Messina
"Carolina in the Pines".....Michael Martin Murphey
"Beautiful".... Gordon Lightfoot
"Someone Like You".... Van Morrison
"Love Will Turn You Around".... Kenny Rogers
"Everytime I Think of You".... The Babys
"Adventure of a Lifetime" .... Coldplay
"If You Leave Me Now"....Chicago
"Hold On"....Santana
"Just the Way You Are".... Bruno Mars
"Forever Man".... Eric Clapton
Vex Satan. Go ahead. Take aim.
Play every love song you can think of in every genre.
Make a joyful noise.
"Glory of Love" .... Hindley Street Country Club
"I'll Stand By You".... The Pretenders
"What's Going On?" --- Michael McDonald
Speak to your husband, your wife, your children, your parents, your pets, with such love in your voice, that there can never be any mistake about what you are feeling for them.
"Right Down the Line".... Jerry Rafferty
"Nick of Time".... Bonnie Raitt
"If I Were a Carpenter".... Robert Plant
"Hallelujah" .... Rufus Wainwright
"True Colors" .... Phil Collins
"Everything Is Beautiful".... Ray Stevens
Here we are, laughing: "LITERALLY Everything You Said Is Adding Up BIG TIME...."
Ya think? Here's the true flag, straight up the masthead.
"Man in the Mirror".... Michael Jackson
There's a reason we call love songs "anthems".
"Let It Grow" .... Eric Clapton
"Lost in Love" .... Air Supply
"Mandolin Wind".....Rod Stewart
"You Are So Beautiful" .... Joe Cocker
"What You Won't Do For Love".... Bobby Caldwell
Imagine me in the dark recording studio. It's way past midnight. I'm staring at the equipment stacked up in front of me, the turn tables, the silver-black discs, cued up and spinning in the low light.
Just when you think you knew everything about Granna....damn.
"Eighteen Wheels and a Dozen Roses"....Kathy Mattea
"Something" .... Paul McCartney
"Seven Spanish Angels".... Willie Nelson and Ray Charles
"The Lucky One" .... Alison Krauss and Union Station
"Every Time You Go Away" .... Paul Young
"Make It With You".... Bread
"Kyrie".... Mr. Mister
"My Heart Can't Tell You No".... Rod Stewart
"The Last Worthless Evening".... Don Henley
Love Y'all. We're going to have some fun this summer! And don't call me "The Last Romantic", because you're all right here with me.
Granna
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